i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
