I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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