***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
