This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
