Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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