True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
