just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
