TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
