Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
