Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I got inside last night via doggy door
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
