Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
