You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
