i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
