Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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