Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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