God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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