I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
