I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
