Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
