i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
