His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
