we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
