i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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