I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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