My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's rum buckets o'clock
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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