It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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