we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
