Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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