just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
