Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
