My nipple is on Facebook.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
