My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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