yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
