You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
