Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
