you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
