I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
