I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
