Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
