you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
