what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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