I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
