Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
