i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
