chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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