Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
