Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
