A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
sarcasm needs its own font
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
