A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
