You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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