I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
