So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
