Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
